THE BONANZA SPLITS

The last surviving cast member of the show Bonanza has died. Pernell Roberts, who played the relatively level-headed (and boring) Trapper John, passed away from pancreatic cancer at his home Sunday at the age of 81. His only son died in a motorcycle accident in 1989. It will be remembered that Roberts bit Lorne Greene's left nipple off during a fight while both men were auditioning for the role of Battlestar Galactica's Commander Adama, which Roberts felt was a natural fit for him since he had played Adam Cartwright. Pernell leaves behind a passel of past and present wives... and one helluva hairpiece.

WEAK END REVIEW

I haven't posted in a while and I'm doing this over my lunch break, so it's liable to be rather weak.  I apologize to all of my adoring fans.  Not much time to insert videos and what not, so please follow the links herein.  It's been quite busy here, lately.  Thank you all for your prayers for the quick recovery of my wife after her surgery.  We really thank you and she is doing fine.  Please now pray for my truck which is not doing quite as well, but then, it's got a lot more miles on it than... uh, I better stop right there.

ELECTION RESULTS!

A full 20% of the populace came out to tell the world just what they think about how things are going. City Councilman and future indictee William Bell has been elected the new Mayor of Birmingham after beating attorney Patrick "I Didn't Approve That Video" Cooper by more than 3,000 votes in a run-off from an election in which Bell lost to Cooper by 15% of the vote.  That's Birmingham Mathematics, folks.  Although I am not allowed to vote in the election, I would have gone for the lawyer due to financial reasons: it'd be cheaper in the long run to have a mayor that could defend himself.

A KENNEDY DOES SOMETHING POSITIVE

Who'd have thunk Ted Kennedy would turn out to be the shining star in the family?  A great big EDWARD THANK YOU goes out to the great big fat scum for dying when he did. His brother John's death brought about LBJ and the worst economic pipe bomb to hit this country since TARP (or is that the other way around?).  His brother Robert's death paved the way for Hillary Clinton to become a Senator (for the purposes of this article it did!).  And John John's death/suicide flight/double murder eclipsed the passing of John Edward Long, an Alabamian with more than 7 years flying time - a world record likely to never be broken.

But thanks to Ted "Can I Give You A Lift" Kennedy, healthcare reform, as Obama knows it, may be dead thanks to Scott Brown's win in Massachusetts.  (By the way, Mississippi is a much better state than Massachusetts... because it's easier to remember how to spell. "M-A-S-S, A-C-H... aww!)  Brown will presumably go right along party lines and vote against healthcare reform, denying the Democrats the 60 votes they need to railroad the American taxpayer.  Pundits are projectile vomiting theories as to why he won. Here're the only two reasons you need to know:

1. The American voter rarely allows one party to control the White House, House, and Senate for very long

2. Americans don't like it when politicians tell them, "We don't care what you think, we're doing it anyway."

Nancy Pelosi has already started making excuses stating that she doesn't think the House has the votes to pass legislation.  I guess this election was transparent enough for her.

THE MOST IMPORTANT RESULTS OF THE YEAR!

Jay Leno will be taking back over The Tonight Show. *yawn*  What that means is that Conan O'Brien is now out of a job. There have been a lot of suggestions on just what he could do for a living after he's spent all of the $45 million severance package on hair gel.  I have the best solution, one that will make everyone happy: he should campaign with Sarah Palin... as her vice-president (after all, his ratings are pretty low). It's perfect.  He's already got the sympathy of the American people.  He's a redhead and Irish, so he's got the whole minority thing going for him.  He's practically poor (compared to other late night talk show hosts).  He's unemployed.  And who knows better than he how cruel and inhumane Corporate America can be?  I think he's got a real chance.  Plus, how cool would a State of the Union Address written by Conan O'Brien be?

AIRless AMERICA

It's funny... I make a disparaging remark about Al Franken and his talk show last week, Air America - the radio network created specifically so liberals could get on the air - dies this week.  "MSNBC... CNN..... NPR... American Idol... Barbara Streisand." Again, many liberal excuses are being made for it's failure:

"the very difficult economic environment has had a significant impact on Air America's business. This past year has seen a `perfect storm' in the media industry generally" - NBC can afford to pay a guy $45 million not to be on the air

"painstaking search for new investors... ultimately fell short." - I guess you were too successful at motivating voters to Vote for Change in '08

SO OLD SHE'LL MAKE YER HEAD SPIN

For my buddy Jesse, Linda Blair is 137 years old today.  I don't think this is a current photo, but again, it's for my buddy Jesse.










AND ONE FOR THE LADIES

Strike another success for Equal Rights: The country's first legal gigolo starts work in  Nevada this weekend.  He's taking appointments, ladies.  "Markus," the self-proclaimed Rosa Parks of prostitution, is a college dropout, likes working out, enjoys casual heterosexual rendezvous, and long walks on the beach... as long as he's getting paid for them.  Looks like Obama has those employment figures on the rise! (Uh, no pun intended, Markus.)

GOING ROUGE

After a year of rather confusing decisions, it was announced that Sarah Palin, former Vice Presidential candidate, will be taking over The Tonight Show. The move came as a complete surprise to John McCain, who was hoping to run as Palin's vice-presidential candidate in 2012.

Of course, I'm only joking. Palin wouldn't run with McCain again if he were the oldest man in politics... I mean, even though he's the oldest man in politics. Actaully, she's going to The Fox News Network. This means that she will not be running for public office in the future. To do so she would have to give up what promises to be a lucrative career in show hosting. No successful talk show host has ever given up their show to run for office.

What about Al Franken, you ask? No, I said successful talk show host.

The Tonight Show is going to be hosted by... well, we don't really know. NBC has decided to move Jay Leno's show back to The Tonight Show time, move The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien to tomorrow, and Late Night with Jimmy Fallon to a week from Tuesday. But Conan O'Brien has refused to change time slots, stating it would be a disgrace to the history of The Tonight Show and unfair to Jimmy Fallon. That leaves NBC in the position of having to pay O'Brien $45 million not to do his show. Did the Fed take over NBC, too?

It doesn't seem like Conan O'Brien was really given enough time to catch his groove with The Tonight Show. Is just a few months enough to brand the program and build the ratings? To be fair I really can't have a position... I never even watched Conan O'Brien hosting the show.  In fact, I never even watched Jay Leno hosting it, even though I know he had a very successful 17-year run. I grew up with Johnny Carson and that's the only Tonight Show I acknowledge.

Guess I have something in common with Alabama fans... no matter what goes on around us, we're still waiting for the return of a dead icon.

CELEBRATE IN STYLE

Speaking of Alabama fans... you may have heard that Alabama won the National Championship on January 7, 2009. They've been a tad excited here in the Heart of Dixie. Just a tad. While only doctors and lawyers could afford to pay scalpers $1200 a pop for tickets after traveling to Pasadena, Everyday-Joe-Fan was able to gaze upon and pose with the $30,000 Coach's Trophy. It was displayed over the weekend at two different... um... ehem... Wal-mart stores.

Yeah, Wal-mart. Look, there really are people with a lot of class in... we aren't all redne-... many famous and talented artists were born and raised... aw, damn.

JESSE'S DAD

A dear friend of mine lost his dad on the morning of January 3, 2010. He had been battling health problems for some time, but that doesn't really matter when someone close passes on. Jesse and I traded a couple of emails catching up over the holidays. I wrote him about my dead horse, my broken truck, and questions about guitars and he wrote back with condolences and answers while sitting next to his father in the hospital. I mentioned my wife's gall bladder attack and he wrote back, "Sorry to hear there is pain in yer household, hope everything gets better." His dad had passed away and yet Jesse was still thinking about others. I tell you this not to take attention away from his dad. It's more of a tribute to his dad, because Jesse is the man and great friend that he is because of his dad.

The following is the content of Jesse's emails. I got permission to post these wonderful words he shared about his dad.

The only other news is that Dad has been in the Hospital since before Thanksgiving. He was in ICU for 2 weeks, then got out and into a room for a week and was awake and able to carry on conversations. But after a little over a week he got the P-nuemony and went back into ICU for another 3 weeks. Outside of the week he was in a regular room he was on a ventilator. His wife decided to have them take him off a couple of days ago but he is still hangin' in there like a hair in a biscuit, although he hasn't opened his eyes or been able to speak in over a month. I am sitting next to him as I write. I have no idea if he knows I am here, or if he knows I've been here at all, since he went into ICU weeks ago but I know I'm here. Don't know how much that really counts in the big picture though.

Sorry, didn't mean to ramble. I guess it's just been on my mind to write something about him.

....

Dad moved on at about 7:30am 1/3/10

....

 

Dad had been pretty much zonked out on Morphine and such for a while. They took him off the machine, as was his wishes, and said it wouldn't be long BUT he hung in for almost 3 days. I thought maybe he would pull out but the truth is it is probably better this way. I know that sounds horrible but he had only been out of bed one time in over two months and that was after he had been in the Hospital for two weeks. He had insisted on "going to" (basic human dignity, I suppose) the bathroom instead of a bedpan. Well, he couldn't stand even then but I was able to get him on what he (and Grandma) called the "Thunder mug", you know the bedside pot. I left the room and gave him privacy but when he was done it took me and a male nurse to get him back in bed, he just had no strength. That was the last time he was out of bed and that was almost two months ago so you can image how much muscle loss there had been. He also had a stroke at some point near the very beginning of all this. I remember when he was awake he was telling me that one of his arms had felt funny ever since he woke up and he didn't seem to be able to control it. He could raise it to some degree but could not use it. However he had no slurred speech or droopy eyes er anything else. I thought maybe it was just weak and maybe it was "asleep" but I found out later it was a stroke.

So even had he come out of this he probably would have been stuck in bed from now on because without the ability to support himself with both arms he would never have walked.

The funeral was today and out of all the hard funerals I've had to get through (Grandmaw's, Mom's and my Aunt, who had taken us in when my natural Mother died when I was 2) this was the hardest by far! See, not only was this a funeral of a parent it was the funeral of my LAST parent! Dad had been the source of strength through those. He was my example of how to grieve with dignity....he was not there in that capacity this time. I hope I did not embarrass him. Even though I tried very hard to be the pillar of strength there were tears but my breakdowns have been in private, at least that is what I think. That was the example he had set for me. A man had to show strength, outwardly at least, if not for himself for those around him looking for strength. A man has to appear strong, if not for himself then for others. He was as strong as he could muster for all those funerals before but I know when he was alone he sobbed in private. I heard it but left him to believe I knew nothing of it for to have gone to him, or let him know that I knew in any way, would have been the worst thing I could have done I believe.

His Casket was draped with a Flag and a picture of him as a boy (yes, boy, he lied and said he was 17 when he was really not yet 15) in the Navy WWII (The Great One) was sitting on top. After it was over they folded the Flag and I have it now. I need to find one of them fancy boxes for it! I have lost a Father, teacher and mentor but America has lost a Patriot, a fighter and a true American! Yes, I have lost a Hero......but I share that loss with my Country because, it also lost a Hero! It hurts, and greatly saddens, me that he had to witness what is happening to the Country he so ardently wanted to believe in, serve and defend that as a child he was willing to put his very young life on the line to do so, be torn to shreds before his eyes! If nothing else I take solice in the fact he will not have to witness that any longer!

Sorry, didn't mean to write a novel

j