WEAK END REVIEW

I haven't posted in a while and I'm doing this over my lunch break, so it's liable to be rather weak.  I apologize to all of my adoring fans.  Not much time to insert videos and what not, so please follow the links herein.  It's been quite busy here, lately.  Thank you all for your prayers for the quick recovery of my wife after her surgery.  We really thank you and she is doing fine.  Please now pray for my truck which is not doing quite as well, but then, it's got a lot more miles on it than... uh, I better stop right there.

ELECTION RESULTS!

A full 20% of the populace came out to tell the world just what they think about how things are going. City Councilman and future indictee William Bell has been elected the new Mayor of Birmingham after beating attorney Patrick "I Didn't Approve That Video" Cooper by more than 3,000 votes in a run-off from an election in which Bell lost to Cooper by 15% of the vote.  That's Birmingham Mathematics, folks.  Although I am not allowed to vote in the election, I would have gone for the lawyer due to financial reasons: it'd be cheaper in the long run to have a mayor that could defend himself.

A KENNEDY DOES SOMETHING POSITIVE

Who'd have thunk Ted Kennedy would turn out to be the shining star in the family?  A great big EDWARD THANK YOU goes out to the great big fat scum for dying when he did. His brother John's death brought about LBJ and the worst economic pipe bomb to hit this country since TARP (or is that the other way around?).  His brother Robert's death paved the way for Hillary Clinton to become a Senator (for the purposes of this article it did!).  And John John's death/suicide flight/double murder eclipsed the passing of John Edward Long, an Alabamian with more than 7 years flying time - a world record likely to never be broken.

But thanks to Ted "Can I Give You A Lift" Kennedy, healthcare reform, as Obama knows it, may be dead thanks to Scott Brown's win in Massachusetts.  (By the way, Mississippi is a much better state than Massachusetts... because it's easier to remember how to spell. "M-A-S-S, A-C-H... aww!)  Brown will presumably go right along party lines and vote against healthcare reform, denying the Democrats the 60 votes they need to railroad the American taxpayer.  Pundits are projectile vomiting theories as to why he won. Here're the only two reasons you need to know:

1. The American voter rarely allows one party to control the White House, House, and Senate for very long

2. Americans don't like it when politicians tell them, "We don't care what you think, we're doing it anyway."

Nancy Pelosi has already started making excuses stating that she doesn't think the House has the votes to pass legislation.  I guess this election was transparent enough for her.

THE MOST IMPORTANT RESULTS OF THE YEAR!

Jay Leno will be taking back over The Tonight Show. *yawn*  What that means is that Conan O'Brien is now out of a job. There have been a lot of suggestions on just what he could do for a living after he's spent all of the $45 million severance package on hair gel.  I have the best solution, one that will make everyone happy: he should campaign with Sarah Palin... as her vice-president (after all, his ratings are pretty low). It's perfect.  He's already got the sympathy of the American people.  He's a redhead and Irish, so he's got the whole minority thing going for him.  He's practically poor (compared to other late night talk show hosts).  He's unemployed.  And who knows better than he how cruel and inhumane Corporate America can be?  I think he's got a real chance.  Plus, how cool would a State of the Union Address written by Conan O'Brien be?

AIRless AMERICA

It's funny... I make a disparaging remark about Al Franken and his talk show last week, Air America - the radio network created specifically so liberals could get on the air - dies this week.  "MSNBC... CNN..... NPR... American Idol... Barbara Streisand." Again, many liberal excuses are being made for it's failure:

"the very difficult economic environment has had a significant impact on Air America's business. This past year has seen a `perfect storm' in the media industry generally" - NBC can afford to pay a guy $45 million not to be on the air

"painstaking search for new investors... ultimately fell short." - I guess you were too successful at motivating voters to Vote for Change in '08

SO OLD SHE'LL MAKE YER HEAD SPIN

For my buddy Jesse, Linda Blair is 137 years old today.  I don't think this is a current photo, but again, it's for my buddy Jesse.










AND ONE FOR THE LADIES

Strike another success for Equal Rights: The country's first legal gigolo starts work in  Nevada this weekend.  He's taking appointments, ladies.  "Markus," the self-proclaimed Rosa Parks of prostitution, is a college dropout, likes working out, enjoys casual heterosexual rendezvous, and long walks on the beach... as long as he's getting paid for them.  Looks like Obama has those employment figures on the rise! (Uh, no pun intended, Markus.)