Let's All Go To Washington!

What do you get when tens of thousands of Gay Rights activists march on Washington?

A multi-media blitz

What do you get when 2 million taxpayers march on Washington in opposition to public funded bailouts of private companies?

A story on page D5 of the Akron Observer

You may have heard that there was a demonstration in our nation's capital this past weekend. According to media reports, this latest human deluge consisted of both homo- and heterosexuals supporting President Obama in his efforts to end the controversial "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" military policy. A closer examination of photos and interviews reveals that the group was not necessarily there to slap this year's Nobel Peace Prize winner on the back. It seems the issues involved ran the gamut from gay marriage to establishing the rights of gays to eat in white diners.

I know, that last one confused me, too, but chairman of the NAACP Julian Bond was the keynote speaker, comparing gay rights to the Civil Rights struggle of the last century. I've never seen a homosexual refused service in a diner because he was gay, and I'm pretty sure blacks were allowed to marry, even prior to the Civil War. I know that homosexuals get looked down upon in certain social situations, but then, so do rednecks, bikers, lawyers, and Star Trek fans. As far as I can tell, the biggest deal in the protest was gay marriage. I just don't understand the homosexual fascination with marriage.

Look, that was not a prejudiced statement. I really couldn't care less if homosexuals want to get married or not: I'm heterosexual and I'm married, so I think it's too late for the existence of same-sex marriages to affect which category I'm in. I'm solidly pigeonholed by this point in my life. Besides, why would I care what someone else wants to do with their life? I know many fellow conservatives are pretty mad at that last statement, telling themselves and anyone within earshot that I am naive in my position. I'm not, and you're wrong.

Homosexuals can already have children. They can do it the natural way with a very understanding partner, or a cooperative Hippy Claus through artificial insemination, or just buying a few like Rosie O'Donnell did. By opposing gay marriage you are not going to keep kids out of the hands of gay couples. And besides, as far as child welfare is concerned, there are a lot worse things you can be than gay.

Others will argue that same-sex marriage will give gay partners all the benefits as spouses when it comes to insurance. No it won't. Insurance will or will not give them the same rights, and most are already doing it. And if the market demands it, the rest will follow suit. And shouldn't that be the way you'd want it, letting the market, rather than the government, decide how insurance benefits are paid for and distributed? I would rather have as many people as I could get in the group that shares expenses with me.

And as far as other "benefits," like estate planning: how many of you 'conservatives' were looking forward to raiding Elton John's closet when he bites the big one? I say let his significant other have at it. I'm not interested.

Now, to the gays out there who are fighting for legalized same-sex marriage: Are you dumb? Listen to a divorced man who has been rung through Family Court: there is absolutely no reason on earth to get married. Listen, marriage carries with it tax penalties, alimony, joint property, shared credit, sorrow, hatred, and madness. Why do we straight men get married? Because we legally can and we eventually run out of excuses. Oh how so many of us would love to be able to say, "Honey, you know I want nothing more than to marry you, but Sarah Palin won't let me."

If you want to get married religiously, go find a church that will do it... they're out there. If you're looking for legislation-mandated marriage penalties, pull your head out of your rear, quit marching on Washington, and enjoy your ability to walk away! Besides, Barack Obama just got paid $1.4 million for doing nothing. Do you really think your Sunday afternoon walk is going to get him moving?