GOOGLE HATES AMERICAN BUSINESS!

Today GOOGLE marks the 30th Anniversary of PAC MAN with a GOOGLE Doodle of the game. Go to www.google.com and you will see it. If you wait a few seconds or click on it or something you can play it.

This stunt has got to be the most egregious attempt yet to destroy the productivity of the American Small Business. GOOGLE has really shown its colors. First they "play ball" with the Clinese (yes, the Clinton-China Syndicate) for years, and now this: luring the American worker away from his duties with desk top games. And you've read it here first. Here's what I know so far:

Use the arrow keys to move your PAC MAN character. Everything else is pretty much the same, except the location of the ghost rejuvenation center will throw you off at first. Watch for those bonus fruit, and there are two dead ends - one has a power pellet. If you hit "Insert Coin" a Mrs. PAC MAN pops up, too. Control her simultaneously with the A-W-D-S keys, but watch out: if one dies they both die.

I was never really good at PAC MAN back in the day... but I'm getting better.

I JUST WANT TO CELEBRATE...

Do you ever root for the underdog? The little guy in the ring? The girl with the broken foot? The team whose salary cap doesn't match the National Deficit? I know I often do. It's really kind of American to do so, isn't it? I mean, we were the underdogs from the git-go. We were winning independence from the British Empire when nobody was winning independence from the British Empire. A ragtag force of inn keepers, share croppers, letter writers, surveyors, and silversmiths (and mercenaries) accomplished the seemingly impossible! That instills in us a great love of heroes. Our folklore - as opposed to that of most other societies - is full of a wide range of brave and distinguished men and women who act valiantly through difficult times, rather than bizarre gods and fairies who exalt and smote at will.

Could this be part of the reason, or at least indicative, of why this country is so much more advanced and has a higher standard of living than most? (Yes, I know about Switzerland and downtown Hong Kong, but I'm talking about societies of greater numbers and wider ranging backgrounds.) We root for the one fighting the good fight. The guy with his eyes on first. The one whose will - whose desire, whose passion, whose drive - will take him to the winner's circle... or at least bring him back again.

The trend in this country, of late it seems, is to move away from this. As an example I recently came across this story, which reported that collegiate golfer Grant Whybark intentionally hit his drive out-of-bounds on a playoff hole to give Seth Doran a spot in the NAIA National Championship, which Whybark had already secured for himself. (Please read the whole article.) I don't know anything about the author Shane Bacon, but wonder where his sense of values came from... or how widely accepted they really are. A few quotes from the article:

There are times to be competitive. Moments when all you want to do is humiliate your opponent as you defeat him. - Is this the definition of being competitive? I thought being competitive meant setting a goal, working hard, striving to succeed, performing at your very best, and not stopping until that goal - of being the best, your best - is reached. Humiliating the other guy is not the same as winning, and winning isn't the same as humiliating the other guy.

What makes it so incredible? Whybark intentionally did it, because he felt Doran had earned a spot in the next round. - And here I thought the rules of a game that is hundreds of year old were designed to determine whether a spot is or is not earned. I guess the feeling of a college sophomore trumps the integrity of game. Personally, I never liked being handed a victory... in fact, I can't remember ever being handed one. My dad told me when I was little that he'd never "let me win" - that way I'd know when I beat him, I did it. No charity. I follow that same policy with my kids.

A golfer simply knew his place, was comfortable with where he was, and thought that a senior, playing in his final tournament as a collegiate golfer, had done enough to earn one more week with the game he loved. - Whybark's place was on the championship team. His status there - as team member or individual winner - was up to his performance in that playoff. Doran could have earned that spot had Whybark played his best. As it is, he was given the spot. I'm not saying he's not a great player; I'm saying Whybark stole his opportunity to prove it. I'd have cheered had Doran then lined up and hit his drive out near Whybark's. THAT is being competitive!

Am I way off here? Just a cold-hearted jerk? Are we all supposed to get a little slack just because someone feels we deserve it?

Or are we supposed to give it our all, against the best we are up against, and come through with our heads held high - win or lose - with the spirit of a champion?

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
But there is no joy in Mudville - mighty Casey hit a grand slam...

...after the pitcher felt bad and lobbed one softly across the plate slow enough that Casey's aging eyes could focus on it and give him a decent chance at making a showing in front of the hometown crowd, but the town got depressed and ended up thinking, "Maybe we don't have to work that hard... doesn't someone owe us?" And it wasn't long before all the shops closed and people moved away and the baseball team was sold and Casey was traded to the Turkish League for a...

A Bunch of Bull

I've been away for quite some time, but now I am back for you, dear reader. Plus, I've been digging a hole and want to take a moment to cool off before I go to the store to buy a post. I'm going to try to cover some of the things I almost care about briefly.

By now you have read all about the attempted bombing in New York. A few highlights:

A terrorist scumbag and all around moron set up an SUV in Times Square outside a showing of the Lion King stage production
Said SUV was filled with gasoline containers, propane tanks, alarm clocks, fireworks, and non-volatile fertilizer
Smoke but no boom
Owner tracked down through one of many hidden VIN's on the vehicle
Said he sold SUV to brown guy with accent
Said brown guy put on no fly list
Same brown guy got a ticket for Pakistan and boarded the plane several hours later
Brown guy arrested before plane took off

There is now talk of a dry-run several days before this incident, suggestions that he was disappointed in life here, made disparaging remarks about George Bush to his realtor, blah, blah, blah. You will hear a lot of this between now and when Britney Spears comes out of the closet to try to save her career. Here are some points of interest I find... well, interesting.

1. Wanna-be mad bomber Faisal Shahzad will go down in history as being the most inept terrorist of all time. Fire crackers, gasoline, and cow manure: an 8 year-old with an iPhone could build a better bomb through an internet search. He claims to have attended bomb-making classes in Pakistan. Is the Taliban resorting to ITT remote classes? It's good to see that this economy is affecting terrorist organizations. You just can't find good help anywhere.

2. Attorney General and Number One Racist Eric Holder stated that this individual had not been on any terror watch lists; however, I read an article (which I can't seem to find anywhere now) that stated investigators identified him through the previous owner who was able to pick his picture out of a line-up. With no previous record, how did they have a photo? Granted, it may have been in among the stuff in the vehicle, like his keys, but I don't remember reading about a wallet being left behind. Could it be that this individual - this moron - had been on a watch list... and we lost him?

3. This SUV was parked on Times Square, in a busy area, and near the Lion King performance. This also places it very close to the Viacom building. Viacom, and its subsidiary Comedy Central, recently censored the show South Park (again) for its portrayal of former thief and known pedophile Muhammad. Way to go, Comedy Central. Bowing down to terrorists always works. Didn't Bill Clinton prove that? You made it to The Pansy Corner.

4. Abu Talhah al-Amrikee of Revolution Muslim, "a radical Islamic group based in Queens," posted the threat that caused Viacom to fold. His real name? Zachary Adam Chesser. Let all of that sink in. A radical Islamic group in Queens? Really? Zachary is a Muslim terrorist? Boy, Mr. and Mrs. Chesser have got to be proud. Folks, turns out there's something worse your son can become than a Democrat... barely worse.

5. Faisal Shahzad was a U.S. citizen. Yep, naturalized because he learned a tech skill and passed a citizenship test. People talk about how hard that test is: Who was the 8th U.S. President? Name the three branches of government. Which arm can raise taxes? Coke or Pepsi? People say most adults that were born here couldn't pass that test, and I bet that's true. Which shows how wrong and ineffective it is. When our test to get into this country would deny natural American but allow would-be terrorists, we've got a problem. Joe Public doesn't know that Martin Van Buren wasn't on American Idol last season, but he isn't going to raise a stink about it. Here in America he is free to be ignorant, drink beer, and watch American Gladiators every night. It's a sweet deal. You can't do that in other countries: you don't know who Kim Jong-il is in North Korea, a cop can shoot you in the street. Joe doesn't even have to know who his mayor is, and he likes it that way. Let's get rid of the ones who know too much. During a time of war the test should read:
1. Are you brown?
2. Do you talk funny?
DENIED
I know that sounds horrible, but desperate times call for prejudiced measures!

6. "This incident is another sobering reminder of the times in which we live. At home and around the world there are those who would attack our citizens and would slaughter innocent men, women and children in pursuit of their murderous agenda." - Barack Obama
Muderous agenda, Mr. President? I believe they like to refer to it as Islam. Don't think your membership card keeps you safe. Just ask Viacom.

EXTREME MAKEOVER!

You may have read about issues surrounding EXTREME MAKEOVER: Health Edition during the past few months... uh, I mean, Home Edition. It seems there has been an epidemic of foreclosures involving the innocent families that ABC has disrupted by forcing them to abandon their homes and move into larger, better lifestyle-suited structures at the same location. While ABC generally begins every episode with some bogus sob story about a veteran who has lost several limbs, or an elderly couple who adopt fifteen unwanted crack babies, the AP has been following those who truly deserve our sympathy, such as contest winner Dr. Brian Wofford, who may now lose his Encinitas, California home.

"A lot of people think when you get the house you get the mortgage. Well, you don't," complained Wofford. You see, when the mortgage crisis that hit all of us also affected him, he failed to get a loan modification after "providing documents, and providing documents again and again and again," according to his attorney, Mike Curran.

Then there was the case of Milton and Patricia Harper of Atlanta. They used their home as collateral for a $450,000 loan to start a construction business. When the business failed they couldn't afford to pay the mortgage because of the money they owed to "credit card companies, pawn shops and a cell phone company, and outstanding garbage bills with the city." They were saved by filing for bankruptcy.

There were others, like Sadie Holmes, a former drug addict turned social worker who nearly lost her home after racking up $30,000 in fines due to code violations. Damn ABC! And the list goes on and on and on.

You see, when ABC comes in and rebuilds or remodels one of these homes, they don't step up to the plate and do the right thing by paying off the original mortgage. Imagine you were making payments on a Chevy Malibu you picked out and purchased and Howard Stern came up and had professionals convert it into a Rolls Royce, but then made you go ahead and keep paying for it like it was the Malibu you initially bought. That's bad enough, but what if he also didn't pay for the extra gas that the Rolls used? You'd go out of your now Grey Poupon-eating mind! Well, that's what ABC has done.

Does ABC not know that gifts are seldom regarded as sacredly as that which is earned? Shouldn't they have considered that people who are in financial trouble will likely get into more financial trouble when provided the vehicle to do so? Didn't they realize that financial and housing market fluctuations affect everyone, no matter how they acquired their housing? Couldn't they have at least been responsible enough to tell their contest winners these things?

Well, fear not: this won't happen again in the near future. ABC is scaling back. The options lists on the Extreme Makeover homes won't include swimming pools, saunas, and tennis courts in the future. No, the extra amenities will be more along the lines of Chinese wallboard, indoor plumbing, and walls. Back to the basics to keep the winners safe from themselves.

Although references abound to families facing foreclosure, I can find reference to only one that has supposedly gone through foreclosure. That's less than 1% of the Extreme Makeover homes. Who pays the price for those mistakes? Future "winners." I hate to see anyone lose their home, but now thanks to the less than 1% of free extreme makeover recipients who can not handle their own finances, any future winners will see much less extreme in their coming makeovers.

That's a formula to think about the next time you find yourself waiting in an Obamacare Emergency Room.

Pie Write

Since nothing is going on in the news (outside of the systematic collapse of our nation), I thought today would be the perfect opportunity to share some personal facts about my life that you didn't know:

1. I am married with children [true]
   
2. I grew up in Texas [true]
   
3. We have two horses and a dog [true]
4. Growing up, Tron was my favorite movie [false - Tron isn't anyone's favorite movie]
5. I play guitar, bass, mandolin, violin, and flugelhorn [false - pawned my mandolin in college; wouldn't know a flugelhorn if it bit me]
6. I streaked across the stage at my high school graduation [false - saving it for the next high school reunion]
7. I'm an avid cigar smoker [true - donations welcome]
8. Today was my grandmother's birthday [true]
   
9. I have a third nipple on my right side [false - left side]
10. I was a member of the Corps of Cadets at Texas A&M [true]
11. I've seen Titanic 32 times [false - I'm striaght]
12. I own a hat signed by Ray Price, Willie Nelson, and Robert Earl Keen, Jr. [true - among others]
13. I once double dated with Eva Longoria Parker [false - never even once dated with her]
14. I am a member of MENSA (UPDATE: Thanks to my friend Mitch Sandlin you have a chance to see another member: Rep. Hank Johnson. He's a Democrat - shocker, huh?) [true - although I can't speak for Johnson]
    
15. I've bowled a perfect 200 on four different occasions [true - 200's perfect, right?]
16. Five seconds ago I hadn't thought of this [false - I actually made a typo in the middle, so it took longer than five seconds]
    
17. My favorite appendage is the third toe on my left foot [false]
    
18. My middle name is 'Gandalf' [false - it's Gollum]
19. I was a member of the Order of the Arrow [true]
20. My house is decorated with my art and my wife's photography [true]
21. My favorite book is The Fountainhead [true]
22. I have green eyes and a rattle snake tail [true - the eyes are in my skull, the tail I keep on my hat]
23. I've held a crocodile [false - but I've caught alligator]
    
24. I voted for Barack Obama [true - but not for president]
25. I'm finished with this list [apparently I was not]