On the heels of the Department of Transportation’s claim of windfall success in th
e Cash for Clunkers Program, the Department of Energy has announced its own foray into the stimulus market: Funds for Fridges. This program, to be thrust upon the American taxpayer later this fall, will offer $50 to $200 rebates for purchases of Energy Star Certified appliances to replace older, less certified models.
Thi
s will help Al Gore save the Earth through the purchase of ‘greener’ appliances and help pay for the EPA-funded Energy Star program through the expanded collection of certification fees. Unlike the DOT’s program, there is no trade-in requirement for Funds for Fridges, so you can move that old side-by-side to the bar you’re building in the basement.
No word yet on whether the dishwasher I bought last fall will still cost me the $650 I paid for it.
Not to be left out of the loop the Social Security Administration is announcing its own incentive program to begin in the next few weeks: Gold for Geezers. “With the impending doom of the retirement
fund by 2037,” stated SSA spokesman Bertram Dorsey, “we must get aggressive in reducing the amount of funds flowing out of the program, and at the same time, do what we can to help the economy at large.”
e Cash for Clunkers Program, the Department of Energy has announced its own foray into the stimulus market: Funds for Fridges. This program, to be thrust upon the American taxpayer later this fall, will offer $50 to $200 rebates for purchases of Energy Star Certified appliances to replace older, less certified models.Thi
s will help Al Gore save the Earth through the purchase of ‘greener’ appliances and help pay for the EPA-funded Energy Star program through the expanded collection of certification fees. Unlike the DOT’s program, there is no trade-in requirement for Funds for Fridges, so you can move that old side-by-side to the bar you’re building in the basement.No word yet on whether the dishwasher I bought last fall will still cost me the $650 I paid for it.
Not to be left out of the loop the Social Security Administration is announcing its own incentive program to begin in the next few weeks: Gold for Geezers. “With the impending doom of the retirement
fund by 2037,” stated SSA spokesman Bertram Dorsey, “we must get aggressive in reducing the amount of funds flowing out of the program, and at the same time, do what we can to help the economy at large.” Gold For Geezers takes its design from each of the previous programs. For the next 28 years, taxpayers can turn in any American over the age of 65 to their local Social Security Office, and in return receive an Energy Star Certified toaster and a Gold Card Credit Card with a $2500 balance already on it – no purchase necessary! “Gold for 
Geezers allows us to do what we can by injecting much-needed credit into the economy and a little potassium chloride into the elderly,” said Dorsey.
Geezers allows us to do what we can by injecting much-needed credit into the economy and a little potassium chloride into the elderly,” said Dorsey. 
Gold for Geezers...how original and who'd a thunk it?
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