MISSed USA 2009

Like literally millions of other Americans I purposefully did not watch the Miss USA 2009 Pageant, but I have not been allowed to miss it. Over the past several months I have been trying to makes sense of all that has gone on surrounding this talent-less beauty contest. I don't really know why I'm compelled to do so, except in an effort to silence the (media) voices bouncing around in my skull. So, I’ve written this little timeline for myself in an effort to put everything into perspective.

April 19, 2009 – Miss California Carrie Prejean is not crowned Miss USA 2009. During the interview portion of the contest she is asked this objective question:

Vermont recently became the fourth state to legalize same sex marriage. Do you think every state should follow suit? Why or why not?

Miss Prejean responded elequently:

Well, I think it's great that Americans are able to choose one or the other. Um, we live in a land that you can choose same sex marriage or opposite marriage and, you know what, in my country and in, in, in my family, I think that- I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman, no offense to anybody out there. But that's how I was raised and that's how I think that it should be: between a man and a woman.

April 19, 2009 – Celebrity Blogger (there’s a job title not recognized by any teamster union) and Miss USA 2009 Pageant Judge Perez Hilton informs ABC and anyone else who will show the slightest bit of interest that Prejean lost the competition because of her homophobic answer. Not much to add here other than to reiterate the fact that Perez Hilton was chosen to decide which woman best represents what a man wants. Umm…

April 19, 2009 to May 12, 2009 – No one knows who actually won the Miss USA 2009 Pageant, which is exactly as it would have been had “Gay Marriage-gate” never occurred.

May 13, 2009 – Miss California USA co-director Shanna Lynn Moakler resigns from her position in light of allegations that Ms. Prejean has misrepresented her past and repeatedly broken the conditions of her contract, including not following through on required personal appearances and having posed in underwear that included her partially exposed breasts. In the end the former Playboy Playmate Moakler (at right, with ex-husband Travis Baker) resigned because she felt her only slightly hypocritical opinion was not being heard.

May 14 to June 9, 2009 – Still nobody knows who Miss USA 2009 is because the media are only talking about the Miss California controversies.

June 10, 2009 – The owners of the Miss USA Pageant decide enough is enough and fire Carrie Prejean. The reason is likely because she has mentioned penning a book concerning the gay marriage question and the trouble her answer has reportedly caused her. Being fired is a huge boost to future book sales as no one would otherwise buy a book written by the Miss USA Runner-Up. She is replaced by Miss Malibu Tami Farrell.

June 11, 2009 – Miss California Tami Farrell appears on Fox News program Your World with Neil Cavuto, the host of which asks the newly crowned beauty queen:

[Prejean] went out and said that a marriage is between a man and a woman. Do you share that view?

To which she replies:

Uh-huh.

This statement puts us right back to where we were on April 19, 2009: We don’t know who Miss USA 2009 is and Miss California doesn’t think gays should be married. To be fair, I must point out that Tami Farrell did utter what was likely the most profound statement to come out of the Miss USA Pageant... ever:

You know, I think it's hilarious right now that the world is turning to beauty queens for the answers for this. I think it's an important issue and I think that it's one that I don't think I can win a battle. I don't want to be any more divisive than it's already become.

Now that I’ve put all the pieces in an orderly row I must say that I am still at a loss, Miss Farrell's comment notwithstanding, as to what it all means. What was the purpose of this circuitous affair? What did we learn? Who won? Who lost? These questions have been plaguing me until today, when I realized that the Miss USA Pageant is owned by this guy:

Which means, of course, there is no meaning.