HELTHКAЯE ЯEFORM (Part 9)

THE GREATEST OFFER ON EARTH!!!

Don't wait! Sign up NOW!

Announcing the formation of the Home Appliance Cooperative. From this day forward you will never again have to worry about having to wash your dishes by hand, eat your bread untoasted, or heat your dinner on the stove. Sign up now and you will be part of the program. Here's how it works:

Each member will pay into the Home Appliance Cooperative a low monthly fee. This money will be pooled into a central account, so it is important that everyone participate. Anyone in your neighborhood who is not a member will be fined and that money will sift down into the account.

In the event that any member's appliance goes out, the Cooperative will repair or replace said appliance free of charge, immediately. Of course, there may be a little delay due to processing and determining which affected appliances get seen to first, but the Cooperative will have a system in place that will look at keeping the system as efficient as is likely given the complexity of the problem and nature of the issues involved and other things you really probably wouldn't understand and don't really need to know about.

Let it be known that all members of the Cooperative will pay the same monthly fee, regardless of the quality or age of their appliances. Of course, members who earn more than $500,000 per year will be subject to a small surcharge.

No one will be denied membership based upon the condition or age of their appliances, or their personal history of appliance failure.

Pre-existing conditions are not a factor for membership. This means that even if your appliances are very old, have had multiple repairs in the past, or have recently gone completely out, you are free to join the Cooperative at the standard membership fee; we will replace/repair those appliances.

There will be a governing board over all similar cooperatives. You do not have to remain with any particular cooperative for a set amount of time. For instance, if your stove goes kaput and you then join the Home Appliance Cooperative, your stove will then be replaced. You have no obligation to remain with that particular cooperative, even if you have only made one monthly membership fee payment. The membership fees of the other members of that cooperative will cover the cost of your appliance. You are free to go on to the Cooperative of Home Appliances, or any one of the many regulated private cooperatives, or you may choose the public option, GAC, although the membership fees for it are a bit higher.

And don't worry if this sounds more like a pyramid scheme than a cooperative; it's not insurance, either.

PS: My brother-in-law happens to sell home appliances, so all cooperative appliance purchases will be made from Chip's Home Appliances & Charity Bingo Hall. Chip assures me he will offer the best prices and highest quality... trust us.